20 People Who Accomplished More Than Me Before They Were 20
So this weekend I turned 20. The celebration was excellent, and the weekend was replete with friends, family, Lupe Fiasco, inexplicable football victories, a seemingly insurmountable stockpile of baked...
View ArticleWhy Obama Makes Me Sad
Let me ask you a question. How many of the following have happened since Obama’s election? 1) World peace 2) End of racism/sexism/homophobia/animal cruelty 3) The whales are saved. 4) My dog is as...
View ArticleThe 5 Least Smangable First Ladies in American History
With no official duties, salary, or elected position, the First Lady of the United States is first and foremost the hostess, or ho-stess, of the White House. Nevertheless, the First Lady of the United...
View ArticleWhy I’m Voting for Obama: Five Haikus
I’m no political scientist. I have never peered over the edge of the fiscal cliff; my knowledge of U.S. foreign policy in Afghanistan is hazier than the only night I’ve ever been to the Deuce; and I...
View ArticleTen Happy Study Breaks For Your Finals Week
1. Pop bubble wrap. Alternately, place bubble wrap under a rug in an area with heavy foot traffic and watch. 2. Purchase a stick of your ex’s deodorant of choice. Apply. Sniff your own armpits and...
View Article12 Signs You’re an Introvert
It’s super hard to be an introvert, you guys. We totally don’t like parties and stuff, and casual small talk? Forget it, amirite? Share this on your friend’s Facebook page and point out which numbers...
View Article7 Pictures of Animals Acting Like Animals
1. This is a dog acting normal. 2. This is a cat acting normal. 3. This is a dog sitting. Why is he not making a funny face or smiling at a birthday cake? Oh, yeah, because he’s a fucking dog. 4. Oh,...
View Article7 Reasons Yoga Is the Worst
Every year or so, I try yoga again. It takes me about a year to forget exactly how fucking much I hate yoga. Over that year, my friends have peppered our conversations with fantastical stories of their...
View ArticleREPORT: You are a Complete and Utter Failure
NEW HAVEN, Conn.—A report from Yale’s School of Medicine published in the New England Journal of Medicine suggests that you, the reader, are a total failure and, quite frankly, an insult to the human...
View ArticleFreshman Has No Idea Dog Back Home Dying
EVANSTON, Il. – Weinberg freshman Katie Johnson remains blissfully unaware of the serious deterioration of the health of her dog, Rocky. The 13-year-old Labrador is suffering from infectious canine...
View ArticleLife Hack: 5 Easy Ways to Put Down Your Dog
Here are some quick tips in case you ever need to put your dog down at home!
View ArticleA Summer Camp Diary
Grandma told me to stop calling it camp, but that’s where you said I was going when I got on the 17 hour bus ride.
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